Missing Cat

My husband doesn't read what I write. Maybe this is a good thing. I need to vent.

Our cat, the one he surprised me with on Christmas Eve 2009, got out of the house this past Wednesday. She is in heat and will not come back inside. 

Meanwhile, my husband is going nuts because he is extremely attached to little Ava.

My husband looks like a tough guy. One would never ever think he has a sensitive side but (shhh!) (you didn't hear it from me) he does.

I am the disciplinarian for sure. No cats on my pillows. Too much cat hair on the couch, no more cats on the couch. I am a bitch. Yup. I will admit it. 

I like my home to smell good and be clean. He does too but he is much more relaxed about the idea that if you own a cat there may be cat hair around. 

So now, instead of sleeping, he hears the cat outside and he goes trying to catch her. I am stressed because he needs to sleep. The cat will come home...eventually. 
 

It's the End of the World!

I guess there isn't enough happening in the world today. That is evident by the press and attention that is being given to a group who has been warning that May 21st is Judgement Day.

Some are such strong believers that they will be sitting holding their breath tomorrow waiting for the events of the day to unfold. Okay. Whatever.

As another blogger reminded today, the man who "started" this whole campaign to warn others of doomsday had predicted this happening years ago but nothing happened. I guess his supporters have either forgiven him for that alarm or they have some other way to justify that "this time" he is right.

I don't have any great plans this weekend. It is rare that I do. I am just looking forward to chilling with my daughter and being spontaneous. I expect to wake up Sunday morning and if the mood strikes me, make up some homemade blueberry Belgian waffles and just enjoy the day with my family.

I am pretty sure that on Sunday there will be a bunch of people walking around feeling like fools for their beliefs. What do you think?

Mother's Day

I was a difficult child to raise. Maybe it is easy for me to admit now because karma has come to bite me in the ass. Whatever.

Even before karma decided to pay me back I knew the truth. I own who I was. Rebellious and misunderstood. I am not going to place blame. Parents are people and we all make mistakes. Honestly we can only do what we think is the best thing to do at the time.

Sometimes we screw up. Sometimes we see that and sometimes we never do.

I had to make adult choices way before I was ready to. The one thing that I am sure of in my heart is that I had the best intentions.

It may be easy for someone to judge the choices I have made but until you are faced with a similar decision you cannot possibly relate. Even if you did have the same choices to make; you didn't really. Everyone's life is unique because we are all unique.

Mothers are expected to be perfect. Guess what kids, we aren't. Not to sound like a wise old woman but until you are faced with raising your own kids you just can't get it. You don't understand. You can't.

From the moment I first found out that a life was growing inside of me, one that I alone would be responsible for, my life changed. That was more than 30 years ago. Fear was the biggest emotion I felt. I was alone and had no idea what was going to happen to me or the baby that was growing inside of me.

Many thoughts went through my head but all I was sure of was that I was going to become a mother. I had no idea how my teenage life would change. I had no clue what the future held for me.

Looking back now, I remember how it felt. I was scared. Although several of my friends became teen moms I never thought it could happen to me. Again, I lacked the maturity and recklessness was a way of life.

Although I had to grow up quickly and sometimes felt lost along the way, I wouldn't change a thing.

I was blessed with a beautiful daughter and although she cannot understand the reality of the sacrifices that I have made for her (and her siblings) along the way, it is okay. She may never understand it all.

That is until she becomes a mother herself. Until then, the blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life will be my fault.

Sometimes mothers are the targets for their young adult children's own failings.

One day she will own up to her own responsibility for what she doesn't like about her life. And when she is ready...she knows where I will be.

Standing by Family

When your adult child disappoints you by making choices that are wrong for them, do you stand by biting your tongue or do you voice your opinion?

Nothing in life is black and white-there are always shades of gray in between.


In a family, there are the gossipers who will appear to be supportive but bash you behind your back. There are the rebels who stand up for what they believe even if it goes against what the family stands for.

In a family where there is dysfunction , many continue the cycle partly out of ignorance and partly because they lack the strength or courage to fight against it.

Being a supportive family member can be tough when you see a younger family member choose to do something that is so wrong and is only going to lead to heartache. It is easy to see a situation clearer when you are not living it. You may be making the wrong assumptions about it, but then again, sometimes you are not.

When a family member is insistent that you go along with supporting someone's bad choice and you refuse, it can lead to family resentment and arguments. All this because one person is making a bad choice that few will confront them about.

I believe in honesty. Honesty can be painful but if it is approached in a loving way, it can soften the blow. The problem is that too many people are too willing to put up with the bad behavior of others in order to stay in their good favor. This makes for phoney relationships. For some people, they will accept anything that they can get. Even from their family.

Perhaps it comes from an inability to look in the mirror and be honest with our own faults. It takes courage to admit that the "perfect" life you dreamed of was a fantasy. For all the control you asserted onto someone, ultimately, you find out that once the person was allowed to be free you lost that control.

"Catholic school girl" syndrome is when a girl who has been controlled by the strictness of religion, rules and her environment breaks free and discovers all that was forbidden to her. Some will explore, experiment and then move on. Others will get sucked into a life where they make bad choices that will affect them for a long time to come.

The young adult thinks they are having the time of their life and is so naive that they cannot see how wrong they are. They are being mislead, used and family cannot get through to them. Sometimes family members won't even try. There isn't much that a family can do.

It is a lesson in how not to parent but for the young adult who is making these life choices that will surely bring heartache, it is sad. There is no "fixing" them now...they are going to make their wrong choices and have to live with it.

Just because the person is "family" doesn't mean that you have to support their poor decision.

Holding back the fear

In 1920, in Beyond the Pleasure Principle (1920g), Freud emphasized the difference between fear and anxiety in terms of their relation to danger: Anxiety is a state characterized by the expectation and preparation for a danger, "even if unknown," while fear implies a determinate object. In Inhibitions, Symptoms, and Anxiety (1926d [1925]), he further insisted on the association of anxiety with a state of expectancy and the use of the term fear—"in keeping with current usage"—to represent the situation when anxiety has found an object.

So to understand the above, once fear has entered - you are in trouble! Anxiety is a worry but fear has reality.

Or so you think it does.

That is what is dangerous about fear. Fear is when you have allowed the anxiety to take control.

It is easy to fear. If you are like many people today, you have fear of the unknown. Your financial status could be in jeopardy because of unemployment or having to take a pay cut just to have a job. Your cost of living is rising even though you are doing all that you can to live off less money.

The world seems to be in a scarier, shakier place and that can cause anxiety.

How do you cope with the stress of life? What do you do when you suffer from chronic depression and then you have worry that comes into your mind?

It seems to me that many people have their stories of struggles today. If not theirs, then someone close to them. It is touching everyone.

You must hold back the fear. Worrying doesn't solve anything. Sometimes I believe that worry actually attracts fear and invites it into your life. It causes more problems than you had before.

Fight back the fear by learning how to deal with the stress. Don't sweat what you cannot change; instead learn how to adapt. It is a changing world and although we may not like the changes, sometimes we can only learn how to go with the flow instead of fighting to swim upstream.

Bonding over Daytime Drama

Luke's Intervention is the subject of General Hospital today. I have been a fan of GH since I was in junior high. My mom worked in real estate and used to rush home in order to see GH. Those were the days before dvr's and Soap Net. If you weren't in front of the tv at 3 p.m., you missed it. My mom eventually gave up daytime television but I didn't.

Although I worked outside the home, I still managed to keep up with the goings on in Port Charles.

My youngest daughter, who is now in her first year of high school, is starting to get "hooked" on GH also. It started slowly when she noticed the character Ethan and soon she got caught up in the characters.

It is amusing to me at times. Many times as I watched my ABC soaps she would complain that it was the worst acting ever and so "boring". Now she is hooked.

The Spencer family is still reeling from the death of little Jake who was accidently struck and killed by a car that was driven by Luke Spencer. Luke is one of the most contraversial daytime characters ever. He date raped Laura and later married her in the biggest soap opera wedding ever. They went on to have two children together and although Laura is no longer on the show, Luke is still Luke.

His family will be confronting his drinking today. His drinking has always been seen as just part of who he is but after he was the one who killed his own grandson, Lucky decided that enough was enough. It is time for Luke to face his drinking as being a problem.

Daytime television tackles tough issues. It isn't always bed-hopping and crazy, unrealistic situations. The subjects of drug abuse, alcoholism, abortion, lesbianism, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder; I could go on.

With the recent cancellation of two of ABC's long running daytime dramas, an era is ending. All My Children and One Life to Live have been a part of our lives for over 40 years. Even though many soap followers joke that you could miss a week and jump back in- knowing that they were always there was something you could rely on. It is an escape and also comfort. Following characters throughout their lives made them feel familiar.

For now, I will enjoy these two soaps until they are gone and hope that now that Emmi and I have found something to bond over we get to enjoy it for years to come. In the ever-changing world of daytime television, it doesn't seem likely.

Presents

I found out this morning that my cats left me a gift outside my bedroom door last night. Thankfully, my daughter removed their gift before I saw it.

It would not have been pretty or quiet.

Although I appreciate the idea that my cats are taking care of unwanted mice that are crawling around in my home, I don't need to be presented with their bodies as trophies.

So, I very well could have woken up in the middle of the night, stumbled out my bedroom door on my way to the bathroom and stepped right on this token of my cats' affection. There would have been some screaming and making it across the hall to the bathroom might not have happened. (LOL)

In a cat's mind, she/he was doing something nice for her/his human.

It is the thought that counts.